Pregnancy diary 36 weeks

Phew! The only way I can describe the way I feel at the moment is by saying “phew”! I’m so out of breath is unbelievable! Even eating has become a struggle! It feels like there is no more space in there what so ever! It feels like my skin way to stretched at the moment and that any time soon it will just break. The witness are my stretch marks really but it feels like my skin will just split in two!

I am suppose to still have 4 weeks to go or so and apparently the baby will grow around 1/2 to 1 pound a week. But I keep wondering…where is it going to grow?!? I’m hoping is just weight wise and that my bump will not grow any bigger. But then I remember how big my bump become when I was pregnant with my daughter.
My mum use to say:
“Your bump arrives In the room first and then you!” LOL
My baby daughter still moves a lot and taking care of my toddler in the afternoons has become a big struggle. I feel sorry I can’t entertain her more and that I feel happy when we both have a rest in the afternoon. Yesterday we both slept in the afternoon and it was really nice. It was nice even though she had a major tantrum just because she sweated during her sleep and her hair was wet.
Being by myself all day it’s a challenge these days. I miss being mentally challenged. Not that I’m not with a 3 year old….
I think I’m that kind of gal that feels better when she is always on the move and has to solve things in her daily job. I’m the kind of girl who is happier being stressed rather than not. I’m the kind of girl who needs to be put and meeting people and that actually needs to leave the house to work. I don’t think working from home is for me. At least not all the time. I need to be I touch with people that have something else to talk rather than kids and meals. Although I like writing about both on my blog.
This pregnancy really affects my brain at the moment. Maybe everything that I’m thinking at the moment is not actually right…
When thinking about the arrival of my new baby daughter I feel scared….yeh right I know I should be happy but….I still feel scared….
I’m scared of the actual birth as don’t know yet if I will be able to have a VBAC, I’m scared that not everything will go right…I’m scared that I will not connect with my new baby as I should be…I’m scared that I’m not going to be good enough and that i will just fail again. I’m scared that I will fail to be the mum that I should be…Maybe I should just get those antidepressants again and hopefully they will numb me so much that I will not feel scared anymore….hopefully I will not feel any pain either…
Yesterday was a particularly bad day for me. In the end I went out, had a coffee and pampered myself with a manicure and a pedicure while my daughter was at nursery. The four hours just went by so fast and found myself being late for nursery in the end.
Some of you already know I didn’t feel well yesterday and because of you ladies I thank you lots and lots. I’m not sure what I will do without my support from you my fellow bloggers. You are my family here away from home. Oh geeh I’m not weeping but like my friend Mrs T says sometimes its good to get it out and just let yourself go and have a good cry.
I think I might let myself cry every day from now until the birth so that I take it out of the way.
I’m looking forward for my mum to arrive. Even though she will probably nag me about something else every day she will at least be here and I will not feel so alone anymore.
But that’s it for now…I feel that if I go on I’m not going to stop and start babbling a lot of nonsense.
I hope that next week I will comeback and write better and nicer things.
Wish you all a nice week!

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