Every cloud has a silver lining…

We arrived in a very hot Romana at lunch time on the 2nd of May…
10 degrees more than in London. 29 C….clear sky…and with 2-3 hours still to go to my home town…
Although quite big and spacious my dads car A/C failed to work…
I was boiling…and Kara had a massive tantrum because she fell asleep and woke up very sweaty..
However we soon arrived in my hometown which unfortunately looked very disappointing…The lack of money in the local government was and is very obvious 🙁 The look of the blocks, the state of the pavements and streets and even the look of our pride and joy the local bridge…I was very sad even before I got to my mom and dad house 🙁
As soon as dad parked the car outside their house Kara jumped out of her seat. She even forgot about her seatbelt. My mum came outside and Kara was very happy to see her and jump in her arms.
The Easter and Anastasia’s christening were nice and quiet. Although I knew my hubby will leave for England soon and I was sad about it I was also a bit more excited about my summer in Romania with the girls.
As the weather was already hot Kara and I already made plans for going to the seaside and the Delfinariu(where they keep dolphins) in a town near my home town.
Hubby and I didn’t really have time to spend a couple of days alone. You see we were planing to go away for at least one night(or better sad I was) and leave the girls with my parents.
We were really busy with visitors, preparing the renovated house for me and the girls and ordering the new furniture. we manage however to go out for a couple of walks which was nice.
But….as it happens in one of these walks ,for days before hubby was leaving, I fell and broke my ligaments at the left foot ankle!
“Thankfully” I was in the font of a takeaway and the owner of the place took me in his car and drove me to the local A&E!
I was in pin but I knew that the bones are not broken….
Shock horror the hospital where I was taken ( the only one in my home town and where I was by) looked even worse than I remembered. The only good thing was that I was attended to immediately.i under have to wait for hours like it will happen in UK.
A radiography was done in less than 15 min from my arrival to A&E and it confirmed that I didn’t have any broken bones.while I was carried around my dad arrived at he hospital too….hoping he will make a difference on how fas I will see a doctor…
But thre was no orthopedist doctor around so they had to put me a cast on and send me home with a note to comeback the next day to see a doctor. Really? No wonder there was nobody there!
Well it was…a gipsy that had a broken arm….
The next day the doctor confirmed that I will need to keep the cast on for about 6 weeks because I have broken ligaments!
In a couple of seconds I became really sad! I realised that the beginning of our time in Romania will not be how I was planning. It will be even harder….especially for Kara who is used to so things all the time.
Plus after these 6 weeks I will have to be very careful and I’ll probably have to wear crutches all summer! It just sucks!

Being unable to look fully after my daughters is killing me slowly…
I can’t go out for a walk with them….
I can’t take them to the seaside or to the pool…
I can’t carry them around or attend to their needs…
I can’t even pick up my baby from the cot…
It’s the first time when I can’t do everything for them…
Thankfully there are people around to help.
There is a woman that comes to help me with things while mum is at work.
In the afternoon mum gives the girls their bath and puts them to bed.
I came home to be a help for mum( in a way) and I’m the one that needs help…
Sometimes my sister comes home t the weekend and Kara loves it.
Sometimes my godparents come to take her out and she loves it.

I wanted to stop the antidepressants but how can I?
I cry every day but I have days when I cry more than once…
Kara’s tantrums are more often and more crazy…
I also miss my hubby…It’s been a week since he left and he fact that I’m stuck in the house most of the time makes it even harder…
I never thought its possible to feel like your heart is weeping…but it is…

So where is the silver lining?

Every cloud has a silver lining but at the moment I only see the cloud….

Sorry for this depressive post but I felt that I had to write…