What do you do?
There are moments when my heart is pounding and I simply don’t know what to do next.
It might be anxiety.
It might be just the fact that I simply don’t know which way to go….
Why is adulthood so hard?
When did I become a parent and had to start taking decisions for others?
Is all ok when I am well…I look after my girls, entertain them and we simply have fun.
But when I am not..in moments like this…I simply feel that I can’t breath…How can I look after to little souls when I can’t look after me?
Earlier today when my girls were happily playing together I sat and I cried…feeling helpless and in pain…why this happens when all was well is the voice I hear continuously in my head?
My eldest came over and hug me and softly said: “Mummy…when you cry I feel like crying too…”. I hugged her and apologise.
What kind of mother am I ? I need to protect my girls and look after them and instead I sat there and cried….
I need to be brave in the face of life…but where do I find the strength now?
We all make sacrifices in life but what do you do when you feel the sacrifices are for nothing?
What do you do when you do when you don’t know what to do?
Do you ever feel like closing your eyes and waiting for all your sorrows , fears and problems go?
I feel like it right now…but this is not acting like an adult is it?
So what do I do?
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12 Comments
Boo Roo and Tigger Too
I have no wise words other than maybe you need to think whether the sacrifices you have made or are making will lead to a better life. Sending virtual hugs x
Otilia
yes. it is a better life over all. and i am sure that in the long run my kids will have more attention and different life here but it’s still hard. i guess everything is hard in life.
Emma
Oh Otilia, I hope things get easier soon, big hugs lovely. xxx
Otilia
Thank you Emma.
Clare
Oh I’m sorry, I just want to give you a hug 🙁 Just take one day at a time, things will get better and it will all be worth it!
Otilia
Keep praying…although not sure how much i believe in a supreme force….
Manneskjur
Oh Otilia, it must be so hard being away from Adrian and essentially doing the whole single parenting thing. I wish I lived nearer.
Must plan a visit x
Otilia
I wish I was closer to you too. Every now and then I feel like an expat in my own home country which is really weird 🙁 and sad!
Single Mother Ahoy
I feel like that all the time. What you do is, you just keep plodding. Have faith that it can’t rain all the time, and things will improve. When you really don’t know what to do (with the next 10 minutes or the next 10 years) I find that a daily routine you can plod through is a lifesaver x
Otilia
thank you for the advice lovely x
sarah
Oh Otilia! I feel for you so much and have felt that way myself. You are not alone in this. It does feel that way though doesn’t it sometimes? Have you spoken to anyone about how you feel? I started to feel better when I spoke to my doctor. It was hard but Im so glad I did. You are a good mummy. This will pass. Take care of yourself xxx
Otilia
Thank you Sarah. I did. Took pills but don’t want to anymore. It makes me feel better writing about my pain here 🙂