My thoughts and sorrows

What being fat means for me…

Well I now know and I’m not longer denying, I know now that I’m a fat person. So I’m going to share with you what being fat means for me:
– that I cannot wear the clothes I wish I could-skinny jeans,short tops you name it! Whatever I wear I feel uncomfortable wearing!
– I hate my own reflection! I hate looking in the mirror because all I can see is this round thing I don’t know anymore!
– I hate that I can’t wear heals anymore! Weigh too much and can’t walk properly!
– the fact that I have to wear high waisted underwear-you see the bulge that is belly is just hanging!
– I fear to go out for a meal because I always fear that people will judge what I eat;
– people always assume that I’m on a diet if refuse the desert or say I’m not hungry!
– my back hurts most days!
– people assuming that I’m a couch potato just because I’m fat;

What people don’t know is that every day is a struggle for me. That I hate myself because I don’t have the power to be on a diet! Been on several diets – you name me! I tried everything! But every time someone , somewhere ever says something to me that remotely touches my feelings in a hurtful way, I’m back on the binging! When I’m upset I will just eat whatever just ti stop my feelings of hurt! Is like a burning thing inside that will not stop! It’s hard to admit that I’m the person I am. But I am and this time I’m going to try again and change myself!
This time, I guess,it will be the easiest thing I ever had to do to lose weight.
This time I will just use the wonderful Slimpod! It’s a recording on a CD that I will receive by post next week. What will I do with it? Obviously I will just have to listen to it. Supposely it will change the way I think about food and exercise. There are a couple of bloggers out there that actually lost weight with it so it must work. But will it work for me? I don’t know…
I know one thing for sure though…I need to give it a try. Will see…And maybe being FAT will stop! Hahahaha

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10 Comments

  • Adriana

    I know the feeling! IT’S A VICIOUS CIRCLE! On top of that, after pregnancy, combined with age, the battle to lose weight for a woman becomes continuous & even more challenging.

    My OH bought me a 100% natural supplement to take which I started on Friday. It promises to bring the results I want. I’m v skeptical about this kind of stuff, never done it before. I cut my food portions, I have a healthy diet. Unfortunately, I don’t exercise sufficiently due to my current work load.

    I feel guilty being away from my work, my daughter,… so where am I going wrong? Maybe guilt, maybe low self-esteem from a change of life style to becoming a mum or I haven’t yet been able to prioritise my needs?

    How do we break THE VICIOUS CIRCLE?

  • Adventures of a Middle-aged Matron

    That was brave of you to ‘come out’, as it were. I doubt you’re as fat as you think you are. Most of us have a distorted view of our own reflections. I actually have the opposite problem. I’ve always been too thin, although I eat normally. People feel quite free to comment on it in a way they perhaps wouldn’t to somebody large. And, like you, I feel they are judging me if I don’t have a pudding, assuming I’m anorexic. Even so, I too have to wear high-waisted underwear because the effect of large babies inside a small frame has left me with a droop of loose skin that resembles a Mr Whippy ice cream. So you see, perfection is a myth (but I’ll happily accept some of your excess kilos if you feel like sharing).

  • Romanianmum

    Yes you are right. Perfection doesn’t really exist. Let’s say…we are all perfect in our own way.
    Regarding the above I thought I should just put it down on “paper” as we say ad get it out! Now I’m actually relieved I’ve done it! Thank you for your kind comment my dear x

  • Actually Mummy

    Do you know what? I have never thought of you as fat. I just think of you as that lovely friendly girl whose eyes twinkle when she smiles, whose tweets are cute with occasional spelling mistakes, and who is a loyal and supportive blogger!
    If you’re not happy with your weight go for it with the Slimpod, but don’t feel bad about yourself in the meantime!

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