My thoughts and sorrows

Why hitting the bottom can be good sometimes….

Love is so weird sometimes. Hubby and I met each other 7 years ago and we’ve been married for the past 5 and a half years. This is 1/6 of my life. To be with my husband and have a family I sacrificed the life I built before I met him. Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret it one bit but I do miss my country, my parents and my friends and my sister of course. Even though I DO have my own family right now…when hubby and I argue or i just have a bad day at work I wish I could just “go around the corner” and see my mum for a chat.
Last Friday hubby and I had a big “disagreement” and I thought that we will actually end our relationship. Thankfully we managed to talk and work it out.
You see with me suffering of depression and with us not having any help from family it’s been really hard. In my need of punishing myself I punished him as well. I pushed him out of…my heart a little bit and I forgot why i fell in love with him in the first place…. That on top of the parenting struggles and the daily routine it put a lot of pressure on our relationship… I forgot that we needed the “us” time and not only the “family” time. At the end of the day – a working day or weekend we just stop taking with each other and just…watch TV and blog about stuff… Instead of talking with each other about what was bothering us we start talking and confessing to others.
I love the fact that I discovered blogging and that through it I met some really nice and lovely bloggers who supported me through my struggles – but in a way it stopped me from confessing my struggles to my hubby.
Last time my hubby and I went out for dinner-just the two of us I mean….ah….to tell you the truth I don’t even remember when was that….so we forgot how to…..be together… Ok ok I will be honest here…I stopped showing my hubby that I love and respect him….I am the one that closed and just wanted to stop feeling all together…and of course this was followed by me stopping to want to “be naughty” with my hubby…
My husband…bless him…he kept trying but how much and how long can a person try until they give up?!?
So after our disagreement last weekend – we actually talked and I finally listened what he had to say as well and how he felt and feels about what has happened in our life in the last couple of years. So…then…I realised how much he still loves me and I told him how much I love him…we hugged and since then we can’t stop “hugging” and is like we met each other once more.
I feel like I am falling in love with him once more…on a different level but it feels so nice…I am allowing myself to feel like this again…I feel so warm and loved up inside…
I hope that our relationship will stay as it is right now..and I hope that we will continue to talk with each other like we do now…and I hope that we will try to make the most we can of our 2-3 hours we have in the evening after we put our daughter to sleep and just hug each other at least…and continue to show how much we love each other.
Our love is a lot stronger than I ever thought. Our love has grown so much and I love my husband a little bit more every day. And I always will… Love you forever…

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14 Comments

  • Liska

    The reason I sometimes don’t blog often, is if I really blogged how I felt, it would ALL be on this topic EXCEPT we haven’t had the talk yet, so are still experiencing the distance and it is miles and oceans wide. He’d need to pack a packed-lunch if he were to attempt to cross it, and even then I’d probably say “what do you want?”.
    xxx thanks for a brave post xxxx

  • Plum

    One of my favourite quotes is by Audrey Hepburn : ‘The secret to a good marriage is falling in love with the same person over and over again.’ Am so glad to know that is happening to you and you have rekindled the spark that once brought you together. x

  • MrsB @ crankymonkeys in london

    So well written and expressed. I too have been there – a talk that had to happen because I had been keeping too much stuff to myself when I was going through PND. Opening up to my husband was the best thing I ever did and although he was a bit shocked in the beginning to hear the depth of the darkness, we are now closer than 11 years ago when we got married 🙂

  • Offcumden

    I would imagine that this post resonates with all married couples with young children. You have to rediscover yourself and then each other. Falling in love again can be so wonderfully rewarding. Marriage isn’t easy and it’s great to see people working at it!

  • ClaireEJ

    Lovely, heartfelt post. I can totally relate to this, having suffered from depression myself and trying to juggle being a mum with being a wife – I imagine more often than not it’s the kids that come before the partner, but then again we put the kids before ourselves too so it’s just a case of adapting to a new way of life, while still making time for each other. It sounds like you and your lovely husband have a wonderful bond.

  • The Perfect Romance Experiment

    This sounds so similar to what happened with me and Dad2BabyInsomniac, it’s funny how sometimes issues can feel like the relationship could end but it’s about being able to sort out the problems that means your relationship is strong enough to last the distance I think. It’s always so nice when you sort out a problem and things feel all new and exciting again. We have a big one at the moment because I want to get married and Dad2BabyInsomniac doesn’t, it’s hard to find a solution! Jess x

    • Romanianmum

      Indeed. I read you story too. It is hard to pass periods like this but sometimes they make the relationship and love stronger.
      Would love to know what are you going to do and if you ask Dad2BabyInsomniac to marry you on the 29th?

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