My thoughts and sorrows

Guilty

I keep thinking…and feeling guilty…Will this feeling ever go away?!?
I want to make a change and spend more time with my daughter but then…we will not earn enough to survive and give her everything she needs. I mean you know we want to move to Romania but then that will not happen in the very near future..,
What can I do In the meantime? Sometimes it happens not to see her when I get home in the evenings…and then when I drop her off in the mornings she cries and doesn’t want to go to nursery… There are times when I run out of the nursery as otherwise I will get late to work and then I will have to stay late… I feel so cruel when I leave her crying there 🙁 Why do I do that?
She keeps asking why she needs to go to nursery every day and then when I answer that I have to go to work she’s asking me why do I have to work every day?
I feel like a wreck the first couple of hours after I drop her…but then I start looking forward to see her in the evening.
Sometimes like I said I don’t see her in the evening…so sad…all I want to do at the end of the day is to hug her. She likes it too. A lot! She says “Cuddle mama cuddle”. When I hugs her I feel calm and complete. She means the world to me!
If I work late I don’t see her that evening…
If it happens to go for a drink with colleagues or friends again I don’t see her…
If I want to go for a haircut, manicure or gym then will not see her that evening again…
Should I stop doing things then? Or how? Do you have evenings when you don’t see your child as a mum?
I am suppose to go away this weekend and I am really looking forward to it! But the though that I wi not see my daughter at all in Saturday and just for half day on Sunday saddens me badly!
You might think I’m a woos but would live to hear what you going through too. Maybe if there are mums like me out there I would not feel as guilty…

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One Comment

  • MrsB

    I work part time and it’s totally worth it. Sounds like you need to sit down and write up your outgoings to figure out just how much money you need…

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