The no discipline technique
Hope you all had a nice weekend! Today I would like to you about “parenting”.
Do you follow a particular method of parenting? You know like the “Baby whisperer” method or “Gina Ford” method or Supernanny’s method.
I think when my daughter was a baby I was mostly following the Baby Whisperer methods. Her approach fitted with me. It seemed more human I guess.
As she become a toddler Supernanny’s methods appeal more to me and my hubby.
So we start implementing the “time out” method and the “reward” method. Sometimes she is ok with it but most of the time she hates being put in time out. I guess all kids hate it. Giving her hugs and talking to her like she is an adult seems to work better though. So when my friend Suzie sent me the below video I was quite intrigued:
The concept of the “love house” sounds really good to me. If by showing my daughter love I will solve the problem of tantrums then I might give Naomi Aldort method a go. For the next month I will scrap the “time out” method.
My daughter is a confident child and I want her to be confident for the rest of her life.
I don’t want her to think like her mummy that she is not good enough.
What do you think about this new type of parenting? Or maybe is not at all new for you and you already deal with you children tantrums and struggles the same as Naomi? I would live to hear from you and see how you make your home to be a “love house” and note a “war home”.
For now I pledge that I will treat my daughters tantrum and demands different and in a more loving way. There are lots of videos about Naomi’s methods on YouTube so even if I don’t have her book I will still have lots of information.
SALVE might bring SALVATION
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20 Comments
Suzie Jones
I really hope this makes a difference for you xx
Romanianmum
It’s already better hun. No tantrums for the past couple of days in the morning even though she for upset a few times. My attitude changed so that is what is different. I don’t want to correct my daughter anymore or tell her that what she thinks is ok it’s not. Thank you.
Actually Mummy...
I actually think tantrums can be completely solved by hugs and love. As she gets older though, love isn’t enough. Kids need to learn responsibility for their actions, and some form of discipline is essential if they are not to end up thinking anything goes. Always love too though
Romanianmum
I know what you mean. I sometimes have tantrums because i don’t know how to deal with my feelings. So i don’t want my daughter to have the same problem when she grows up.
Of course some sort of discipline will be applied later on but i think that i do this right by the time she will be 6/7 years old she will know what kind of behaviour is right and what is not.
But you are right love is always good.
Mumma Bunny
I think love is important but discipline is equally important. I have never subscribed to a particular style or fad of parenting; they seem to come and go so much. Whilst no-one is advocating a Victorian upbringing for children I am not comfortable with parenting that is too ‘child’ centered. I certainly don’t have time to validate a childs behaviour everytime I ask them to do something that they don’t want to do or to get them to obey.
Can you imagine having to go through this in a dangerous situation? Me neither.
You expect, quite rightly that your child will obey, without resistance at the time of request.
Well I do anyway! This isn’t blind obedience; my children understand that if there is time after we can discuss why they were told to do something. But at that time they have to follow it; end of.
Time out doesn’t work; Supernanny is awful. I would no more treat a family pet the way she does children. Her method is all about control regardless. I agree that children misbehave because of boredom but they sometimes are just plain rude, provocative and disobedient. I can’t agree with that woman that they aren’t; I’ve seen it in action plenty of times!
Parenting is so personal, for each family and each child in it. Firm but fair I think will always win in the end.
Romanianmum
Like with other things i am not doing this exactly like in the video. Even when i “used” baby whisperer teachings i didn’t do everything the same. I just took what it worked for me and for my daughter. Her teachings were pretty much the same with Naomi’s.
About dangerous situations she actually says in the video that if that is the case then ACTION needs to be applied.
I believe that sometimes kids are rude and disobedient. I was a lot. But that was “maybe” because my parents always wanted to correct and silence me. Their way was the right way always. Even right now i feel like i need to ask for their approval. My daughter is still quite young and i am still trying this out. What i know though is that the time outs make her even more upset.
But you are right. Parenting is personal and one thing it might be good for one but not for everybody.
Thank you for commenting.
MrsB
Supernanny time outs and naughty chairs have never worked with my kids. When they have tantrums, what works is talking to them… in a very calm voice e.g.”I understand what just happened, sometimes things like that happen, but you’re ok and look – here’s a fire truck! Isn’t it a great fire truck!” Bigger tantrums need longer ‘monologues’ from me, but threatening or punishing never works. Of course my oldest is 7 now so I don’t have to do the same with him, he knows what kind of behaviour is ok and what’s not and with him I am quite stern when he ignores a request for the 5th time.
The interesting thing from the video though was that you should not leave two kids to play on their own for too long 🙂 Chaos and fights in this household definitely happen if I don’t separate the kids after a certain time and give them separate activities.
Anyway, I’ve got a few things to think about now 🙂 And I have to convince the husband somehow that just because you’re not firm all the time doesn’t mean that your kids will walk all over you one day!
Romanianmum
Yes i have to convince my hubby too. I mean he is partial to time outs…
I only have one child at the moment but i am glad that i watched this video and read about your experience now rather than after i will give birth. I remember my mum use to leave me and my sister for a long time alone just to play while she was cooking,cleaning etc. We would always get in a fight. I wish she was just forget about cleaning and just spend some time with us. Children miss us and they need us to be kind and understand their needs.
Naomi is right from one point of you also. When a child is sent in time out he is let to believe that he is not good enough . Again i remember how i felt when i was a child and i never want my daughter to feel like that.
Will see how it goes. But it looks like it goes well.
Let’s hope we can convince our hubbies xxx
Katie Vyktoriah
I like to read all the various opinions and then just do whatever I want. Sometimes hugs and kisses work to keep Dexter calm. Other times, I have to sit him down, speak to him firmly and be a little tougher. But I can’t recommend any ONE method to work, as I think it’s important to bespoke everything to your own situation. My fear is that because Dex has had our full attention and complete adoration his whole life, when the new baby comes, it’s going to be quite hard to get him to share attention. So right now, we are trying to make him more independent and able to self soothe. This means we’ve been putting him in his room by himself for an hour or so every day to play alone. He got really upset in the beginning but now he can go for about 2 hours without any issues. We’ve also been trying the time-out thing, putting him in his room for 5 minutes every time he throws a tantrum. Not sure what will work in the long run but luckily we have several months before baby comes along, and we will hopefully be able to figure SOMETHING out.
I hope that whatever works for your family will also make you happy and calm. 🙂 xx
Romanianmum
It works hun. Even only 3 days in i do feel calmer and happier.
Give big hugs and kisses to Dexter from me!
Suzanne
I would be interested to see how you get on with this. I think different things work for different children. Having said that, the more love and hugs we can give them the better. they crave acceptance deep down but also a bit of discipline every now and again does no harm 😉 Striking the right balance I think is the key. Good luck!
Romanianmum
Yes I am too. I will be posting about this for sure Suzanne. Of course discipline it is applied but in a nice and calming way without time outs.
Mammasaurus
How did this go Otilia?
otilia stocks
It went well although sometimes I can’t react as nice as I should. I will give it a proper go after my leg is fixed.
Pinkoddy
I disagree that my first response to how I want to handle the child is the wrong one. I don’t do discipline much – we really work on rewards and good modelling. I do what I feel natural in my heart.
Pinning – visiting from the Parenting Pin-it party
http://pinterest.com/pinkoddballs/
otilia stocks
Good to hear. These days I always tell my daughter that I’m here for her no matter what
otilia stocks
Following on Pinterest too x
Alice Emma Thompson
Really interesting – she wasn’t someone I had come across before.
Visiting from the Parenting Pin It party – have pinned this.
http://pinterest.com/mumsmakelists/
otilia stocks
If not followed I think some of the things she says are quite true. X
otilia stocks
I am following you on Pinterest now x