You will be here always

I have good days and bad days. I have days when I feel I could cry continuously and days when I’m just a bit more happy.
Yesterday was one of the days when I felt like walking away from everything and everybody.
The only thing that stop me was my children – the one that was sitting on the couch watching cartoon and the one that still grows in my belly.
Most days I hate myself so
much I can’t even look in the mirror!
I always been like this…I always hated my body. I was just a kid when I had my first episode of depression.
If the depression starts because you’ve been hiding your true feelings deep inside then I’m guilty of that.
I remember that I was only really young when I hide in one of the bedrooms thinking that the best thing I could do is to take out all my blood if I wanted to die.
Yes death always been the salvation, the thing that will save me from
Suffering. Or so that I thought…
Now I fear that the way I feel and act will affect my daughter. I feel that she will grow up with the danger of developing depression later in life.
She is the light of my eyes and heart and I will not do anything to make her suffer.

One thing I know for sure.

My depression will always be here with me:alive,well and charming.

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