Family Stories

The mind of a pregnant woman

There are many things going through my mind. Some are happy thoughts and some are sad thoughts. You might be saying that I should be all happy as this is how a pregnant woman should be, is not always the case…
The hormones seem to affect the mind of pregnant women. Some of us even have horrific dreams. I prefer not to remember mine…
I feel really happy and excited that my pregnancy is been going quite well with really not major problems. I know the pregnancy had a share of bad but nothing is perfect is it?!?
I’m excited to meet my new baby. I can’t believe we are having another little girl! If she is going to be as beautiful and smart as boogie then I’m sure we will need to lock then indoors when they are teenagers! LOL! Daddy is already worried! Boogie is really happy she will be the big sister. She is really looking forward to meet her. She already knows that baby will arrive before Christmas and every morning she asks me how long is left until Christmas ;()! I’m sure she will be a little jealous but I’m sure it will pass.
Our family will become a family of four! Finally! As you know we tried for like a year to get pregnant for the second time.
The happy thoughts stay in my head most of the time but then when I’m quiet unhappy thoughts are coming around…and i feel anxious,scared… I’m sure you can already imagine why I have these feelings…
One is because I’m still suffering of depression…and second because sometimes this is how the mind if a pregnant woman works anyway…
I’m scared that no matter how much I will try to have a good birth experience this time things will just not go the way I want…and that will make my depression even worse….
I’m scared that because of my depression I will not be the best mother there is…the mother that I should be…I’m scared that I will have days when I will not be able to handle myself and life in general…I’m scared that the way I am will affect my kids forever no matter how much I will try to hide it.
I need to be fun and entertaining but I’m scared that I will be the other way around…sad and moody!
I want my kids to grow up to be happy and thriving…to remember their childhood with happiness…oh dear…
I’m scared that if I and the kids will go to Romania and hubby will stay here there will be nobody to balance me. You see he is the calm and lay back one. I’m scared that the kids will miss their daddy and that the distance will drive us apart no matter how much we love each other.
I’m scared to be a single mum…oh dear dear…
I think I should probably stop now as I’m afraid there’s too much sad stuff…
As always if you have advice it will be lovely to hear from you…

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6 Comments

  • MsXpat

    Oh honey, so sorry that you are feeling this way. Perhaps you should consider seeing your GP or talk to your midwife they may be able to advise on where can get support. That said, this crap weather is enough to get anyone down pregnant or not. Also, many of the fears you have listed I have them too, perhaps many mum feel it to some degree. I think its perfectly natural and some times, some times once the baby is born these fears either go away or seem less intense. However, chances are there is somewhere you can get some assistance. The fact is friends and family as well intended as they are can’t always understand or remember what it like to be in this position. They will listen and try support as best they can but it is not always in the way we need it. Please dont’ be too hard on yourself, and try to get some time to yourself for yourself, get a M2B treatment, get some rest, have a baby shower. Perhaps by doing some thing positive for yourself and baby girl you may feel better about things.

    • otilia stocks

      Talking and writing about it helps a lot. Writting this post helped a lot. I had a perinatal team looking after me but…they keep cancelling my appointments…I’m trying to keep my head above the water And you are helping lots too xxx thank you x

  • Older Mum

    Big hugs – just keep reminding yourself that a lot of these thoughts are down to the hormones, which impact on depression anyway – are you on anti depressants at the moment – could you up the dose?

    • otilia stocks

      I’m not talking antidepressants…I chose not too. I’m trying not to do anything that will or might hurt my baby. I know they say it is ok to take them but I’m just not…I’m trying to solve this with a rational mind. Thank you hon for your support x

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