Do not expect me to be perfect…

News and daytime TV been talking about the mum that suffered of postnatal depression that around 6 months ago killed her children…. Every time i listen to it a tear runs down my cheek..So sad!
After i gave birth to my daughter i was diagnosed with “postnatal depression”…

I am happy that the court didn’t sentenced her to jail and instead they offered her psychiatric help. I can’t even imagine how she feels right now. So good that her husband is standing by her. It must be so painful to hear your wife and soul mate admitting to killing the kids you both made with love….

Felicia Boots wept at the Old Bailey as she pleaded guilty to the manslaughter of Mason, nine weeks, and Lily, 14 months, on the grounds of diminished responsibility.“May 9, 2012 is a day I will be eternally sorry for. It should never have happened. It troubles me more than anyone will ever know.“Part of me will always be missing. I am a good person. I am a good mum and I never meant any of this to happen. I am truly sorry.”

Read more in the original article here

On another note even though is sad and painful what happened…. in a way is good that her story made the public talk about “postnatal depression” more than ever. Did you know that 1 in 10 mothers suffers of a type of postnatal depression at some time in their life?

The story let the public talk about it without the subject being tabu.

I hope it makes men and husbands pay more attention to their wife and partner. I hope grandparents will pay more attention too. A woman that starts suffering with postnatal depression needs love and attention. In the world of today is hard for a new mum to raise to the world expectations. I know that very well myself! I know it on my own skin and if you are a reader of my blog you know that this is not the first time i am talking about my depression.

To me it was hard to admit that i am ill. But thanks to my husband i went to my doctor and was given medication. The pills helped but they were not the best solution. Being able to talk to people without being judged helped so much more. The fact that i started blogging and i met so many mums like me out there helped me immensely. Thank you ladies for all your support in my battles!

Postnatal depression affects woman differently. In some cases goes to extreme like in Felicia Boots case. How lonely she must’ve felt…

For me depression meant that i hated myself for failing to be perfect. Not managing to do the washing up would bring me to tears…uncontrollable crying…

 I never ever wanted to hurt my daughter. To me it was more about me…hurting myself…about thinking that my family will be a lot better without me and that would be best if i just go away somewhere where they can forget me….I felt alone and incapable of discussing about it although i had other mums around me. But they all seemed so perfect when i was out at the groups. They all seemed to manage so well to take care of themselves and their children so i didn’t have the courage to say anything to anybody.

Ladies if you read this and if you like me feel that nobody will understand you are wrong. Please talk to someone doctor, friend or not friend,call the helplines and the first sign of sadness and feeling unwell.

Baby blues go after a week or so…so if you still feel like you are not yourself after that time seek help.

I hope that we would not hear ever of cases like this again. I hope that women will receive the help they need in future. I hope the mentality will change and mums will not feel pressured to feel perfect.

I am expecting my number two baby and my expectations are not as big as the first time. I am not expecting for everything to be perfect, i am not expecting for my babies to be happy all the time, i am not expecting for my house to be clean all the time and i hope that this will help keep the postnatal depression away this time.

Let’s all hope that the world will change and i am sure that with our help the women affected by depression in one way or another we will succeed even though it might take a while.

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  • Coombe Mill

    Well done for speaking up and making known something that effects so many. I am lucky to have escpaed PND but everything I read from those who do suffer sounds so all consuming. Best of luck with number two and remember your own wise words here!

  • MsXpat

    I’ve been sitting on a post about Felicia’s story for some time. I’m still working out how I want to write the post. Thank you for saying something on the matter. Like you her story brought tears to my eyes and I’m relieved that they didn’t put her in jail. I truly hope that when women read posts like this it gives them the courage to talk to someone and seek help.

    • otilia stocks

      I am sure i am not the only one that find Felicia’s story sensitive 🙁 unfortunately a lot of us feel lonely when they give birth. The business of having a child has become a lonely thing rather than a celebration…

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for your feelings on this sad case! I cried everytime I saw the woman on the news. I too suffered with post natal depression and part of it was that we had very little help after baby was born. Now that people in society are moving further apart from their families and raising children, it is harder to get help and ask strangers for help instead. Time and school helped me and health visitors were a great strength but post natal depression needs to be talked about more openly.

    • otilia stocks

      I am sure that being away from my family and friends helped my postnatal depression to get worse. I’m happy to hear that the health visitors helped you through your struggles.and you are right we need to raise awareness .

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