Sadness
When the dark comes and the little souls are fast asleep I find myself just sitting on the couch we bought together and waiting. Some days I even imagine you sitting at the other end of it and chatting to me but this doesn’t happen. I’m all alone with my worries and thoughts…You are just one call away to assure me but somehow that is not enough.
When the sun is up and I am all busy the pain is not so big but when the dark comes the pain is a lot stronger. I miss you. I miss the single things we use to do together. I even miss the fights…
I feel like a whole other person when you are not by me. Like somehow I lost a part of me forever. Of course when you do come things are a lot better but not whole. The sadness and loneliness are still lingering around me even if you are here.
I’ve become stronger as the little souls that we both created from love need me to be stronger. Every day I try to compensate the love that you would give them if you were here always. It’s hard although I love them more than I could express in little words. But somehow for our first born some days the love I give her it’s not enough…she is not saying a word but I can so see it in her eyes…the sadness…the fact she is missing you too. We embrace and hold each other tight for minutes and then sometimes she confesses how bad she is missing you too…
And then I start wondering…Why? Why all this sacrifice? For a better future? Why not make the present better and more happier?
There are moments just before I wake up when I still feel like you are laying next to me asleep. First I try to reach you with my leg and I can’t find you. That’s when I try to keep my eyes really tight so I can imagine that you will come and hug me. But a little soul voice calls…and calls…so finally my eyes pop wide open…You are not there…But two little eyes are starring straight to me from her cot. She’s bouncing excited and happy that I will soon pick her up and hug and kiss her…
I struggle to leave my world behind close eyes but then I realise that more important things await me for the day…A tear is falling but quickly it transforms in a smile as our sweet little daughter hugs me.
I am a mother and that’s all.
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16 Comments
Stressy Mummy
Oh I'm sorry that you are feeling so sad. It must be difficult for you, but you do have two beautiful girls and they are a real credit to you. Hugs xx
jennypaulin
oh Otilla so sorry – it must be tough with your husband having to work away for sich long periods of time. it will get easier i am sure xx
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Stepharoo
Oh love, this is so sad 🙁 I am so sorry you're feeling so low at the moment. I wish you guys were all together as a family, wherever that was here or in Romania. Much love xxx
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bavariansojourn
This post made me so sad Otilia, I hope you get to be together properly soon enough, and in the meantime I really admire you for the sacrifices that you have made, as do many others! 🙂
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MrsB
🙁 That is such a tough situation you are in but it is not forever and one day you'll look back at it and see how it made you stronger and how it made your love for each other stronger.
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@Older_Mum
Beautiful post but very sad, I hope you get to be back together soon. These sacrifices test us but you will come out the stronger. X
damsonlane
You will be back together again soon and you will be stronger for going through this difficult period of separation. You are a mother and that is extraordinary, it is amazing and it is hard work. I hope that you can live together again soon xxxxxxxx
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ecbradley
oh sweet what a heartfelt post. I think you are brave and strong and I couldnt do it.
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marisworld
I can't bear to think of you so sad and I am such admiration for your stamina at sticking at this difficult period in your lives, one day it will be over and you will reap the rewards, please dry your tears and stay positive xx
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romanianmum
Oh Mari your comment made me emotional. Thank you I will try to stay positive but every now and then i get sad.
dorkymum
Oh Otilia, such a sad post, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through all this time apart from your husband. You are doing an amazing job as a mother under very difficult circumstances. I hope you can be back living together soon xxx
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Grenglish
Such a sad post. You are so strong, I am not sure how I would cope being apart from my husband for so long. Hang in there my lovely and I hope you will be reunited again very soon.
1978rebecca
Oh it must be so hard for you. I'm sorry it isn't getting any easier.
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becky abeautfulspace
Big hugs for you x
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michelletwinmum
Ohh Otilla, no words just a massive hug as I'm sure you and hubbie have made the best decisions for you both. Mich x
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LORY
frumos scris!gandul ca tatal/sotul se va intoarce la cuibul unde cele mai dragi personae il asteapta cu atata dragoste este imbucurator!