autumn ;eaves
Featured Posts,  My thoughts and sorrows

Lately…

autumn ;eaves

Lately…I’ve been speaking a lot with myself…

It’s cold outside and we spend more time inside rather than outside.

We spend more time cuddling , playing , chatting , baking and having fun altogether. I love spending time with my girls although sometimes they make me feel so exhausted…

I had more time to reflect/I allowed myself to reflect at my life now and wonder if this is where I am supposed to be at the moment.

I am not talking as much of a place to be as such. I am talking about my life – the place I am supposed to be in my life. Some days I feel like my journey through life until now has been pointless and that unlike some of my other friends the same age with me I don’t have an established career. I used to work in HR and then I moved over to Supply Chain and now I am a blogger and I am learning more and more about social media and the online world as such.

I spend my days fully parenting and my evenings in front of the computer trying to get better/evolve although even in blogging there are so many other fellow bloggers that started at the same time with me and they achieved a LOT more than me.

Did I imagine myself like this when I was in my youth?

As an unachieved middle? age woman?

NO? Or maybe I did?

I always knew I wanted to be a mum and that before being anything else. So I guess in a way I influenced my life.

As a Libra I am always in two minds, I am always doubting and overthinking my moves and steps I take in life. God knows I made lots of mistakes in my life from misjudging people to misjudging situations…Plus I always belittle myself and what I do so no wonder I sometimes feel so down.

Why can I not just take the good out of my life?

I guess that is because I am a human being and I want to be better but the circumstances and life don’t allow me to do so unfortunately.

So for now…I will be here. A full time mum and nothing else.

I leave you with this song that happened to start on VH1 just I am finalising my post…

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6 Comments

  • Alice Hassall

    I talk a lot to myself in general sweety. I never saw myself as a parent growing up but then I didn’t have many years of growing up until I became a parent, so what did I really know?!… That song makes me cry every time!

  • Annie @ Simple Wanderlust

    Ah lovely, I feel like that a lot when it comes to blogging, comparing ourselves is so self destructive and yet so easy to do!
    You are a lovely person and I hope you keep on enjoying snuggles indoors and focusing on all the postivies x

    • Otilia

      Aw..thank you Annie.I know it is…its just that sometimes I just can’t help myself. Is very hard for me to end things and start again…

  • Donna@MummyCentral

    I did the career thing – but never felt fulfilled by it. Facing up to the possibility of not being able to have kids made me realise what’s truly important. And I thank my lucky stars I had my boys in the end. You’ve got so much going for you. Don’t let that little voice in your head put you down.

  • Cass@frugalfamily

    I’m not very career driven to be honest – I have a good albeit part time job and I’m about as high up the ladder as I really want to go. I am much more fulfilled by my home life and I think people tend to forget just how hard it is to raise children. You’re doing a great job as a mum and to me, that’s harder and more important than being a high flyer x x

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