This is how I felt today when I walked again where I use to walk so often with you.

I felt emotional and powerless. The last time I came to visit you was over 6 years ago.

I know I know…you probably never imagined that I will be the one to do such a thing. There are no excuses really…I just wanted to protect myself somehow…

I thought that maybe if I didn’t come to see that you are not really there anymore…you will still be alive in my thoughts. And you are. I always think of you…and recently I started to tell my girls more about you. About you and him…the people that I loved so dearly…the people that I will miss FOREVER.

The place where we played, the place where we smiled and chilled together is not there anymore either…That gate I used to run out to play with my friends, that bench and table where we used to sit and chat and eat during the hot summers, that little room with a “soba” where you and him used to tell me stories and listen to traditional music to that very old radio…

I often wonder where all those little bits and things that you used to care and treasure so dearly are now…I often think I should ask her…but I don’t…

I often wonder how it would’ve been if you were still here…I wish you were so you could meet my girls…I wish you could see me as a mum and give me advice or even tell me off…

There are seven years since you passed and I still mourn your loss…

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