It seems that no matter what one does there are always people who worry more about whats happening with you and your relationship than you sometimes. It’s our case as well. I am often asked…
“Is it not too hard to be apart and still have a good amorous relationship? You are not scared that he will cheat on you? I mean you are always with the girls…but him…”
I always answer…”We love each other a lot and we try to keep our relationship fun and alive as much as possible.”
Although apart our relationship is pretty much the same as all the other relationships. The only difference is that when we are together we really do our best to please each other. And when we are apart we chat a lot with each other by texting, FaceTime or Skype. Knowing every single little bit of our life keeps us close although apart. And we never forget to say how much we love each other every single day. We might be a rare kind I don’t know but it keeps us strong.
What we have is special that’s for sure. We learned that we need to work on our relationship and should never compare us with any other couple. But…I want to share my experience and tips with you too in case you also go through a long-term relationship.
- OVERSHARE – As I said above in order to build intimacy or keep your relationship the same as when together you have to talk a lot with each other. WE (my husband and I) iMessage a lot! I guess it’s easier to fit it in around our daily duties. Talk about everything and anything. Talk about your day and ask your partner/husband about his, send him pictures with you 🙂 and the kids (if you have). Men are very visual so he will be happy to receive you in a message. Talk about the next time you will see each other – a holiday or simply what you would love to do when you will see each other again. Tell him how much you love and miss them – nothing is too much.
- VIDEO CHAT – My husband travels a lot but when he can and he is at “home” we FaceTime or Skype as a family with our girls or just us as a couple. The consistent visual connections keeps you close and grows the confidence in one another. If there’s no wifi why don’t send each other short videos or audio messages.
- COUNTDOWN – We use a countdown app that counts down the days until we will see each other again. As the day we see each other gets closer we get more excited. We often remind each other how many weeks/days are left until we will be together again.
- PLAN PLAN PLAN – Decide what you will do when you will be together – visit places, celebrate birthdays. We love looking things up and then share with each other. We plan surprises for our girls(like our trip to Disneyland back in march) , we discuss the presents we will buy for them and send each other links to check them out. This might sound silly to some but it keeps us close and is just nice to have your secrets.
- FANTASIZE – Don’t try to forget about the physical intimacy you can’t have while you’re apart. Instead fantasize about it. Let you mind create stories that you can share with your partner and even consider acting them out next time you see each other. You could discover that you might want to try things you never ever tried before. We are not kinky or like to use sexy toys but we discovered new desires and things we would like to try.
- Very related with the above is planning when you will be physically intimate. Is he coming in the middle of the night like my husband use to or he will arrive during the day when the kids are around and you are in the middle of housework? You both need to know what to expect and prepare – if you have kids maybe arrange childcare. One advice will be to try to not have friends over his first night at home as otherwise frustration will build up. Instead think of how to build up your excitement – think about what it will feel like to have your hubby touch you, think about how great he is , what their strengths are and how much you love each other.
This is what I learned after living the last couple of years apart. I am sure there will be things to add to this list and like in any relationship there will be things we will argue about but as much as we can we will try not to.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder and makes couples more likely to focus on the happy memories rather than the bad ones. We are definitely closer and stronger than ever 9 years into our marriage. I can’t say that I didn’t have my doubts but we made it work. Both of us and because of it we love each other more than ever.
I really hope this helps you and your partner and although this was meant for all wives(ladies) out there I am sure that husbands could learn a thing or two as well.
Make the time you spend with each other SPECIAL no matter how exciting or boring it might be for others.